For a while I’ve been following a particular woman on social media. Recently she underwent a pretty amazing physical transformation, a ‘bulk’ and then a ‘cut’ for a photo shoot. She’s in her 40’s and a Mom of 2, this shouldn’t make it more impressive but it does! Its just generally inspiring and makes me smile.
However a few weeks back after the photo shoot, she shared on Snapchat that she was going back over pictures from years ago.
She shared pictures of her younger self, recently married, no kids yet.
And her captions saddened me. I’m paraphrasing but they amounted to, ‘look at me’, ‘what was I doing’, ‘I hadn’t even had kids so I’ve no excuse!’. When I looked at the photos I saw someone young and in love, but now she looks and she sees… laziness?
I think the reason this struck me was because, and no shock here, I am guilty of the exact same thing.
I recently heard that the traits that annoy you most in others are things you feel you are guilty of yourself. That has really opened my eyes recently. But I digress.
Before witnessing this unfold on Snapchat, I would think back on myself from before my fitness/lifestyle change in 2013 and think… what was I doing?! How could I do that to my body?! How far would I be if I’d gotten off my arse sooner, the things I could be achieving?!
I felt hard done by, by my former self.
Now self love is not something that I’m a natural at. It’s something I have to work at every single day. At this moment in time I have more love for myself than I ever have had, so far in my short life. But this made me take a step back and realise that not only do I need to love my current self, I also need to nurture my former self.
She was struggling.
Sometimes I really wonder how she made it out. Alive? Functioning? Trusting? Full of potential.
I laugh because somedays I think I’m not doing enough. And then I look at how far I’ve come. I think about the day I’m having and I wonder what my former self would think. I don’t think she would believe how much we’ve achieved.
But really, she did most of the work.