2011 in review
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,200 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 53 trips to carry that many people.
Sketch a day!
Hai :3
Late post!
Just a quick one to inform you Im beginning the ‘Sketch a Day’ challenge a la Kat Von D (link below)
I really love to draw but its always last on my priority list! Well no more! I want to get better, and most importantly figure out which tiny took of of the great artistic expanse I wanna focus on!
I would really love to have a webcomic, I have been reading Questionable Content and its really encouraging to see the authors drawing skills progress.
For now though Im going to limit myself to 1 sketch a day during the week- primarily because I have a tendancy to become obsessed with something, wear it out and then get bored of it. My hope is that by limiting myself to 1 sketch a day I can keep up my enthusiasm!
I will be posting my daily sketches on my Tumblr, and I will upload the weeks work once a week to my DeviantArt (links below)
Initially I think Ill work on Bleach pages, doing a part of the panel each day.
I hope you enjoy, feel free to comment!
Thanks 
Kat Non D Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/thekatvond
Questionable Content: www.questionablecontent.net
My Tumblr: http://boddahkurdt.tumblr.com/
My DeviantArt: http://boddah-kurdt.deviantart.com/
“.. I’m not quite as well.. I thought you should know.”
Ah Alanis. Jaged Little Pill. What an amazing record. Released in 1995 and under no pressure to succeed, this little record eclipsed all expectations and its singles became soundtracks pissed off people everywhere.
The reason I mention this album at all is because I found myself listening to “Hand in my Pocket” today and its lyrics sent me into a musing frenzy.
“I’m short but I’m healthy”
The reason I love this song is not an original one. I love how this song speaks to the contradiction, what I believe to be the essence of, the human condition.
As a control freak I understand the urge to put people into boxes. We all have a standard list of adjectives and their acronyms, in our heads, and we label everyone we meet.
“What sort of person are you?”
It’s a common question. Doesn’t sound too taxing on the surface; however allow me to ask a few questions in return.
What sort of person am I when? What sort of person am I on a Monday morning or on a Friday evening? Because that’s 2 very different people.
What sort of person am I when I’m with whom? What sort of person am I when I’m with my mother? My boyfriend? My best friend? Any combination of the above? All different people.
I’m writing about this now because I’ve been thinking about this this week in light of how I woke up the other morning. I woke up in a panic. I didn’t want to do my job, I didn’t want to live in my flat, I didn’t want to have bills or people dependent on me, I wanted none of it. It took a good solid 10-minute internal pep talk before I could even get out of bed. It dawned on me on the way to work that day that I only felt that way because I thought I had to love my life that morning. And when I woke up feeling a bit of dread, I panicked.
I decided then and there that I’m not restraining myself to one set of criteria for anything, let alone my emotions and feelings towards anything external. Some days I wake up and I love my life, others not so much but its pointless really because by the time I’ve completed the 70 minute commute to my office, I’m a completely different person anyway.
“…What it all comes down to //Is that no ones really gotta it figured out just yet…”
The difference between good and good
I had epiphany today, in the stock room at work, whilst I was re-boxing books with such classic titles as “What’s a Kumquat?” I was feeling pretty emo and wondering why I repeatedly fail to hold on to friends. My self-esteem being what it is, my ego tells me its my fault, but realistically, Im a nice person so this doesn’t add up for me. Then I started to think about the other people in this scenario and came to the conclusion that they are not ‘good’. Before anyone gets insulted, let me explain.
Initially I was operating under the juvenile comprehension that there are good people, and bad people, that is a huge over-simplification but will suffice for the purpose of this rant. What Im learning now is, while some people are good, they may not necessarily be good for *you*.
I think this is what happened to me, and the more I think about it, the more I’m realising that I am indeed to blame, but not how I had originally thought. It all comes back to confidence, as Im finding out more and more. Everyone is nice and friendly to begin with, Im a prime example, I make an amazing first impression, and Im very good at reading people, and identifying how to talk to them, and what to say to make them laugh or feel at ease. So apparently we’re best friends, however, once you start to come into my life, I will only let you so far before I put up a wall, and from then on, you have to work to get past it. It may not be fair but its the way Im wired.
To get back on point, everyone is nice to begin with. How do you know which people will be your friends, which will not and who is going to change? You cant know. And really, that’s fine, however, once you get to a point where you make these realisations, you have to be able to be confident enough to stand up and say, you are not a good person for me to be around, I need to distance myself from you. And that can be hard, and seem drastic, and like most things in life, theres no way to know if you’re doing the right thing.
But thats what I should have been doing. In a way I did, but had I realised all of this, I could have been more direct about it.
I like honesty, I find it hard to take but Im working on it, and Ive been trying to be more honest with people in my life and thats worked as much as its backfired but Im determined its the way to go.
Sorry if this was a bit of a ramble, my mind is a hub of activity lately, and Im just trying to sort through it!
Moving and moving on.
Boddahkurdt has moved!
Not the blog, but the wizard behind the curtain.
I finished college in May and after a quick rendez-vous in Amsterdam with friends, I upped sticks, best friend and boyfriend in tow, and moved to London.
I wont bore you with the emotional turmoil that ensued, (right now, I’ll document it in full on the blog at a later date) but sufficed to say, 7 weeks in, Ive learned a lot about myself, my friends and my life.
The post before this one was a poem, which is odd for me, but its subject is something that has been on my mind constantly. Recently Ive seen people Ive lived and loved with, transform before my very eyes.
People in the foreground of my life were replaced with shadows of themselves and people who had been but mere extras were upgraded to essential cast.
I cant say I know exactly what happened. I watched it all unfold and cried at every plot development. While a lot of my life is structured now, a good portion of it remains suspended in the air.
Im aware that I am doing exactly what I should be doing, steeping away and allowing time to do its thing, but its hard.
Its hard not to reach out to someone whos eyes you’e lived and died in, and plead for them to return to you.
But you cant of course. Life only gives you the illusion you’re in charge, not the actual reigns, so shoddy metaphors aside, I’m left with the remnants of one life and the beginning of another.
Being a grown up is hard.
Was I always me/ Were you always you/ In that case, what were we?
I don’t understand.
You lace my every dream, my every thought, my joy soaked memories.
We were happy.
You were you and I was me.
Some shit went down, of course,
With lives so interconnected,
It was bound to happen,
But it passed, and I thought we were free,
For you to be you and me to be me,
But something was tainted,
And toxic it grew,
I dont even recognise this that I see,
Are you still you?
Am I still me?
Our thoughts are as different now,
As the sand and the sea,
A thin blue line divides us,
Full of pain and regret.
I walk away, but have no doubt,
For it is with a heavy heart.
One day we’ll meet again,
You’ll see.
I just need to reconcile myself with you,
And you, with me.
Where to find me!
Hey guys just a quick post!
Apologies for being absent lately, I had my final year exams, and also I moved to London! Ill be back soon I promise, but in the meantime, heres where to find me!
Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/boddahkurdt
Tumblr: http://boddahkurdt.tumblr.com/
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/smilyhat
And if you have any questions/queries just leave em as comments under one of my posts/tweet me/ ask me via tumblr and Ill get back to you asap!
Happy summer!
My Blog Stats 2010— Thank you!!
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.
Crunchy numbers
A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 2,200 times in 2010. That’s about 5 full 747s.
In 2010, there were 49 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 16 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 1mb. That’s about a picture per month.
The busiest day of the year was April 20th with 49 views. The most popular post that day was life by default.
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, deviantart.com, obama-scandal-exposed.co.cc, WordPress Dashboard, and healthfitnesstherapy.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for john frusciante, individuality, hillel slovak, john anthony frusciante, and john frusciante arms.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
life by default April 2010
7 comments
john anthony motherf***ing frusciante!! May 2010
2 comments
What gives life meaning [part 1 of 2] December 2010
The first reason I hate humans… October 2010
here it comes,, the existential blog post May 2010
5 comments
Artsy Friday: Christmas Edition
Hey hey hey! Happy Christmas Eve! Wanna see some pics? I mean that in a literal way, not a pop-up-in-the-side-of-your-screen-halfnaked-pretending-to-be-from-a-ton-near-you kinda way
Catfish? Here we go
[BTW if you get the catfish reference I love you]
1. Cant believe this is a photograph
Artist: Abakum
Profile: http://abakum.deviantart.com/
2. Pretty..
Artist: kiiw
Profile: http://kiiw.deviantart.com
3. Cute 
Artist: CookiemagiK
Profile: http://CookiemagiK.deviantart.com
4. Classic..
Artist: cithness155
Profile: http://caithness.deviantart.com
5. Funny..
Artist: humon
Profile: http://humon.deviantart.com
6. Aww..
Artist: ‘mnoo
Profile: http://mnoo.deviantart.com/
Lastly and awesomely:
7.
Artist: MalvaAlcea
Profile: http://MalvaAlcea.deviantart.com
Hope you enjoyed!
Happy Christmas!
In memory of (Wikipedia: Death is the termination of the biological functions that sustain a living organism)
Death.
This has showed up in my life feed recently and I got to thinking about it.
Death intrigues and saddens me.
It intrigues me because the idea that someone is here one minute and gone the next, just perplexes me. Social networking sites have only emphasized this point more. A friend of a friend past away recently, at the age of 25. I went on to their FB page, and it was awash with posts, some were reminiscences, some told of how they had met and other were simple, just x’s or <3 ‘s. They spoke of a man who had spent his life loving, working, inspiring, and pushing others to be the best that they could. One even read “I don’t know where I am going to find the motivation you gave me” I read and I cried.
But what really got me was when I got the bottom of the posts, and I saw a post from a friend, that had obviously been left before he died. And it was just a stark contrast to the rest, a normal, how are you kind of post. And below that, the last post from the man himself. And to me, it really drew a line. Here he was living, here he was not. Im never able to reconcile that idea in my head. The body remains, but we do not. It brings up the whole body versus debate, the 21 gram argument.
Another question that always pops into my head is, if he had known, what would he had done about it? More specifically, I always wonder, if he had known, 12 months ago, he only had 1 year to live, how would he have spent his last year? With whom? Where? Doing what? I wonder this quite a bit about my own life.
Recently I decided that after college, I would never spend my time doing anything I *really* didn’t want to do. Obviously at times, Im going to have to work jobs and do other things Im not crazy about, but I’ve sworn, never again will I live in a situation I absolutely hate. Life’s too short. This seems ambitious, but when I hear stories of 25 year olds dying suddenly, I realize its the only way to live.
I’m not afraid of my own death. Ill die and it wont effect me. I’m afraid of people I love dying.
In memory of Michael, Ariel and Gavin
